I'm laughing because I'm lying and you believe what I say to be true

Step 2.

This is good.

Step 1.

Does it make sense that I hate so many things about you, but I would still give up most of everything I love for you?



I will be so much better than you because of you.

I miss him so much.

3 weeks later and I still can't see through the fog.

How does one do this and still stay in one piece?

I still have trouble accepting it.

I can't bring myself to get rid of them.

Every time I think about it, my heart sinks. And I can't even look straight, because everything in my chest is in my stomach and it's too much to even keep my head up. So I try not to think.

But then I do.

How does one miss another person so badly that it is exhausting? I am tired of my heavy heart, and the tears that say hello behind my eyes. I am angry at myself and at them for not giving me a chance. I am angry at him for not being there when I need him to be. I am sad for me because I never planned to miss a person so much, that it almost feels like it isn't worth it.

Then I close my eyes and I see his, and nothing beats this feeling.

Why am I here?

Just a few days left. Regrets?

Still haven't decided if there isn't any.

It's been a journey I thoroughly enjoyed, albeit flavoured with several recurring moments of frustration. I learned a lot, but not enough to know whether it's learnt or learned (like lend and borrow, I will probably never get the hang of it). I met many extraordinary people I will dearly miss. And I have done many things I never though I'd be able to do.

So regrets? I'll leave that up to my next adventure to decide.

This week is going to be a long week of frenzied planning and sleepless nights. Frenzied planning because I am terribly disorganised despite gentle self-reminders (a term I desperately hate, reminders are never fucking gentle) to make sure my shit is in order BEFORE I run out of time. Sleepless nights because hey, when you're excited you don't sleep very much. My love, I am coming home to your arms soon. We've had our dark times, but when we are together nothing shines brighter. Holy shit I just rhymed.

I think I'm getting pretty good at pretending that my boyfriend's arms are wrapped around me when I sleep.

Still working on getting my pillow to smell like him though.




Every now and again this happens and I lose it.